All or Nothing
by J.W.Melmoth
Summary: Set during s4, ep 14, "I do". Sue Sylvester sees what's going on between Blaine and Kurt and adds her 2 cents, giving Kurt a lot to think about. Is he really as heartless as she thinks? Kurt's POV, cameo by Adam but Klaine-centric.


**Title: **All or Nothing**  
Timeframe: **s4, ep 14 "I do", starts in New York before the wedding and follows the on-screen scenes after that.  
**Summary: **Sue Sylvester sees what's going on between Blaine and Kurt and adds her 2 cents, giving Kurt a lot to think about. Is he really as heartless as she thinks?  
**Rating: **T for sexual situations

* * *

**All or Nothing**

"You're awfully quiet," Adam remarks gently, watching Kurt gazing pensively at his reflection in the standing mirror at his loft. "Is something the matter?"

Kurt closes his eyes briefly. He knows he doesn't have to tell Adam; his new friend never presumes anything about him and being with him is easy. And even if it wasn't and he was as nosy as Rachel Berry, Kurt would have a myriad of excuses and brush-offs up his sleeve. He has preformed more variations of _'I'm fine, don't worry about it'_ during his time at high school than renditions of Maria songs from The Sound of Music. And that's saying something. Still, he finds that he wants to. He wants to share part of his worries and insecurities with this man, who has been nothing but patient and kind to him ever since they met at NYADA. He deserves honesty. Kurt looks into the mirror at Adam, who is sitting on the couch, his arm slung over the back and resting his chin on his hand. He's giving Kurt one of those smiles he has come to trust.

"It's the wedding. Mr Schuester and Miss Pillsbury are great and I know I should go and I got my ticket weeks ago and this suit is designer and I'll be seeing all of my old friends so I should be super excited but it just... feels all wrong," he rattles off in one breath before sighing deeply and looking at his reflection again. He tugs at the dinner jacket. "Maybe it's just the suit." He turns a little to look at his back. "I should have gotten a size smaller, but I didn't think I lost that much weight after-" He breaks off, hesitant to talk about his ex-boyfriend in front of his potential new one, "moving to New York," he continues. "Who would have thought, after all those bagels?"

Adam's smile never falters. If he has noticed the pause, he hides it well. "I think you look gorgeous," he states, and the way the words sound in his accent does things to Kurt on the inside. "You'll look better than anyone there, I promise you."

Kurt blushes a little and to hide his pleasure at the compliment, he quickly degrades it. "Not better than the bride, I hope. I can't do that, that would be rude. However, I know I can beat Santana in this even when my pants aren't tight enough to spell out my offspring," He throws Adam a smirk through the mirror, but he doesn't smile back.

"I meant the men, Kurt. Why do you always do that?" his friend asks.

"Do what?" Kurt asks, raising his eyebrow. It hadn't been the best joke in the world but he thought it was passable.

"Assume that people will be comparing you to the women?" Adam's voice does not hold any accusation, but it does carry a slight hint of disappointment. Maybe even hurt.

Kurt frowns and shrugs it off. "Because they do. They always have. But it's okay. I don't really mind. Honestly, I'd much rather look like Audrey Hepburn than George Peppard, anyway. Weak jawline, you know." He suddenly wonders if Adam understands his brand of sarcasm. "I'm not a cross-dresser or anything," he adds quickly.

Adam gets up from the couch and walks up to him. Kurt watches his reflection get closer, not sure what to expect. Adam catches Kurt's eyes in the mirror. "I know that, Kurt," he says softly, coming to a halt behind him. "Cat on a hot tin roof, remember? There's a reason I'd cast you as Brick and not as Maggie. I am _very_ much aware that you are a man-" He leans in close to whisper in Kurt's ear, "And I like it that way." He is close enough for Kurt to feel his breath on the side of his face; close enough for him to only have to lean back a little to rest against him, and it's tempting, but before he can consider the pros and cons of initiating physical contact, Adam steps away a little and gives Kurt a theatrical look up and down."If it's just the suit, I can put your mind at ease. You look amazing." He grins. "Particularly in those trousers."

Now Kurt's cheeks definitely feel like they are on fire. He does a little spin to show off his suit and stops when he faces Adam. "Thank you," he says. Over the past weeks, he has learned that Adam won't accept anything less. The pleased smile on Adam's face shows that he really means what he said. His unveiled admiration is still a little too much, and Kurt looks down on his shoes. "It's not just the suit," he confesses to his toes. "It's the whole 'going to a wedding by yourself', you know? I already did that once and it was no fun. And for this one, well... when Mr Schuester proposed last year I thought to myself, at least this time I won't be alone." He sighs and looks up. "I'm sorry," he quickly adds. "It's stupid." He doesn't want Adam to think he regrets breaking up with Blaine because it means he won't have a date to the wedding!

Adam shakes his head. "It's not stupid. I understand. But you could also see the other side of it. You'll have no one to hold you back. You could take your pick of all the hot single guys there...I know tuns of them will be seeking your attention." He waggles his eyebrows.

Kurt smirks. "Right." Somehow it doesn't seem likely that Mr Schuester and Miss Pillsbury know _tuns_ of hot, single gay guys. Or any at all. "And you'd be okay with that?" He tries to make it sound light, but he's genuinely curious. They have never really said the words "boyfriend" or "relationship" between them, but there have been coffee dates and house visits and several very hot kisses.

Adam studies him for a moment. "I want you to be happy, Kurt. You deserve to have a good time." It's there again, that unspoken offer. Kurt hears the things Adam is not telling him. He knows he only has to say the word to make this official. If he tells him now that he doesn't want anyone else, that he wants Adam and Adam only, he'd have a new boyfriend. But until he does, this wonderful, mature, attentive man is giving him space to make up his mind. It's what Kurt told him he needed when they met. Adam knows there has been someone else, someone who made it hard for him to trust again, and he respects that. He is giving Kurt the freedom to breathe- and, apparently, to flirt with other guys if he wants to. Kurt decides to accept this luxury, even though he is unlikely to use that freedom (especially in Ohio). Something is holding him back from taking the last step into this boy's arms, and until he finds out what that is, he wants to be careful for both their sakes.

"Coming back here will make me happy, too," he says, and it's as close to a promise he dares to get. It's clearly more than Adam expected, and he is treated to one of the Brit's irresistible smiles.

* * *

_I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time to say "Hello, Goodbye", I'm late, I'm late, I'm late_, Kurt hums distractedly as he finally makes it onto the parking lot of the church. He had to drive around the block three times before finding a parking space for his Navigator and now he has to resist the urge to pull out his pocket watch and tap it like a nervous white rabbit. The service isn't until two, but the invitation specifically stressed punctuality and he knows how alarming it is for Miss Pillsbury if things don't go as planned. He smooths down his tux and checks the shine of his shoes. Maybe a last check of his hair before going in, just in case Mr Schuester and Miss Pillsbury _do_ know some handsome single gay guys? He takes out his phone and activates the front camera while he walks, taking no heed of the parked cars around him...or the one handsome single gay guy who is actually invited. He runs into him full on, and for a moment the shock of a solid body against his and subsequently trying to save his phone before it falls from his grasp distracts Kurt from the voice he knows so well. He doesn't realise who it is until he hears his name.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to- _Kurt_?" the other boy stutters, breaking off his litany of excuses as he recognises who has just stumbled into his arms.

"Blaine..." Kurt looks down into a pair of wide brown eyes and at once all of his senses are flooded with things he had tried so hard to forget in New York - the touch his ex-boyfriend's hands, warm and soft but strong enough to catch him; the scent of the perfume Kurt has given him ages ago, mixed with the faint smell of raspberry hair gel; the look in Blaine's eyes and the shape of his lips as he pronounces Kurt's name carefully.

"Kurt? Are you okay?" Blaine asks, still holding him even though there's no more danger of falling. Not literally, anyway.

Kurt doesn't reply. He is still caught in the cocoon of his memories; of all the times they have stood like this, holding each other, and there is only one hard-wired response to the familiar proximity; one thing that seems logical and inevitable. He kisses Blaine.

A second passes, maybe two, in which there's only the press of Kurt's lips against Blaine's. Then, a lot happens at once. Blaine seems to come alive as if he's woken from a long sleep, breathing in sharply and kissing back. Both their hands come up, tighten hungrily on each other as if to keep themselves anchored. Needy sighs are exchanged, and Kurt follows as Blaine backs up against his car; it is like their bodies are magnetic and it's the pull of gravity. Kurt is on auto-pilot now, and his body knows exactly what it wants. He reaches around Blaine and opens the door of the Prius, pushing his ex-boyfriend down on the back seat before climbing in himself. Blaine blinks up at him with wide eyes, and it's that look that does Kurt in. The shades of sadness and guilt he kept seeing there at Christmas are gone. Blaine looks at Kurt like he looked that night after West Side Story; his eyes filled with pure awe and love. It sparks and rekindles Kurt's desire and he leans down, pinning his ex-boyfriend down with his lips, hands and hips. He sighs. It feels good, but there are too many layers- and not all his own this time. He shifts on Blaine's lap, electing a gasp from the boy beneath him, and reaches down to pull at Blaine's shirt tails and unbuckle his belt. A loud rapping noise on the window distracts him. Kurt looks up and stares into the angry face of Tina Cohen-Chang. She is yelling something at him. Most of it is muffled by the window, but he is pretty sure he can make out the words "cruel", "cheap" and "mine". He frowns at that last bit, but before he can give it more thought, Blaine pulls him back down on top of him and slides his knee between Kurt's thighs, temporarily making him forget everything else. Kurt groans at the friction and grinds down eagerly, and yet somewhere in the back of his mind, Tina's words still ghost around. Maybe she is right calling it cheap- it _is_ kind of tacky to make out like this, in a car in broad daylight, and as he hears himself comment on the situation, Kurt tries to focus on something besides the body underneath him and get some perspective.

"What am I doing, I'm sort of dating someone in New York..." he starts, pulling back.

"But you're not _in_ New York," Blaine interjects, sounding out of breath, "and it's not exclusive, right?" His hands grapple at Kurt's shoulders like he is desperate to keep him there at any cost.

Kurt's resolve, already so fragile, crumbles away with Blaine's offer of no-strings-attached making out, and he gives in. Attacking those layers is more important now than thinking about New York. And then they are interrupted _again._

* * *

Mercedes parades them proudly into the church's anteroom. Kurt avoids looking sideways at Blaine. He has more urgent matters to deal with, such as trying to will his erection to go away before he has to put away his alibi overcoat. He wonders if he has time to go to the bathroom before everything starts. Although he doesn't believe in God, it feels wrong to take matters in his own hands in a church bathroom stall, but he could at least tuck in his shirt and re-do his hair. He looks around and wonders how to tell Mercedes she has to make her grand entrance without him when an excited looking Rachel comes up to them with brisk strides. Kurt does a nervous double-take. He knows that walk. Luckily this time it's not aimed at him- though Rachel does throw him and Blaine a suspicious look before zeroing in on her main target.

"There you are, Mercedes! The organ player is looking for you, he says there's a problem with the sheet music. I told him I am sure you brought back-up copies because you can _never_ trust musicians to get their stuff right but you should probably go talk to him right away. Just in case, I prepared a solo I can do acapella in case you only prepared the one song..."

Mercedes rolls her eyes, resigning herself to her fate. She unlinks her arms from the boys' and gives them an apologetic look. Kurt meets Blaine's eyes over her head and the fresh blush in his ex-boyfriend's cheeks tells him he just had the same thought- they could go and find that bathroom together. It is not to be, however, as Tina is already waiting in the wings. She immediately claims the spot Mercedes vacated, though she only takes Blaine's arm, throwing an angry glare at Kurt. He wonders what he ever did to her, but she has been known to have strange and unpredictable moods and he has stopped trying to understand women a long time ago. She practically drags Blaine away, and although he looks sorry to part from Kurt, Blaine doesn't seem like he minds the way she starts fussing over his hair and adjusts his tie for him. Kurt shakes his head. Maybe Blaine will explain it to him later. He takes a deep breath and looks around for the men's room again. Surely even the house of God has a toilet?

"I have to hand it to you, Porcelain. I'm impressed. It seems like all this time you really were paying attention to my lessons."

Okay, that definitely works just as well as the cold water he was planning to splash into his face. Sue Sylvester in a wedding dress effectively kills every remaining sexy thought in Kurt's body and he stares at her in shock.

"Coach Sylvester? Are you...getting married too?" he asks.

"Of course not. I'm already married to myself. That would be bigamy," she comments offhandedly. "This is just a little something I threw on at the last minute."

Kurt grimaces but knows better than to question her. It's clearly one of her insane schemes. He just hopes she has the decency to let Mr Schuester get married first before she draws focus. He clears his throat and decides to change the topic. "What were you saying about your lessons?" he asks.

Sue rolls her eyes. "Don't play coy with me, Hummel. I saw you scramble out of that car, looking all flustered. And you know what? After I got over the first wave of nausea at being treated to public displays of wanton teenage horniness, I thought to myself: Good for you, Porcelain. You show that two-timing bowtie-boy that nobody messes with my Cheerios."

"Two-timing...?" Kurt echoes, and suddenly realises what she means. "You know about that?" he asks quietly. He shouldn't be surprised, but he is. Sue Sylvester confirms his fears.

"Of course I know about that. All of Jacob Israel's blog posts directly or indirectly involving my Cheerios - graduated or not - have been going through me ever since Fabray got herself knocked up. I do not allow scandal in my team unless it can be used to get more sponsors. Apparently one of his locker bugs overheard your hairproduct-abusing ex-squeeze confess his sins to his platonic male friend whose name slips my mind every time I see those frighteningly big lips-"

Kurt winces. Blaine had told Sam he cheated on him?

"-and Israel was going to run a story on it. I told him in it was in his best interest not to."

Kurt swallows. He doesn't want the details of her persuasion tactics. Still, he is glad Blaine was spared the humiliation of an online pillory. "Thanks, coach. I appreciate that. It was nice of you."

Sue scoffs. "I don't do nice. What Anderson did showed lack of character. I actively encourage my Cheerios to never settle for second best and that is exactly what he did. He had a national trophy winner by his side and yet he threw himself away on someone with no references- trust me, I had that checked. Which is why I applaud you for avenging yourself." She gives him a smile and a nod as if that settles it.

Kurt frowns, still not sure what she means. How was his hooking up with his ex revenge? Or had she only seen _him_ get out of the car and assumed he had been in there with someone else? He feels heat creep into his cheeks. He would never! Not in front of Blaine! He ignores the tiny voice of his conscience that reminds him he also used to say he would never make out in the back seat of a car. That resolve had been broken quite easily. "I was actually...in there with Blaine," he confesses, "but... he knows we're just friends." He breathes in and awaits his former coach's scorn. To his surprise, she smirks.

"Exactly. A move worthy of a top Cheerio. Show him what you got and then rub it in that he lost it. I saw how dishevelled he looked. It reminded me of the good old days when Fabray and Lopez had all the boys competing for them." Her eyes shine with a cold gleam. "It's a joy to behold you come to your full potential."

Kurt swallows. Was that really what he had been doing? Why he had insisted they were just friends? He tries to trace back his own motives, but comes up blanc. It hadn't been premeditated. He certainly hadn't planned it! But now that he thinks about it, would it really be so bad? Adam had told him to go and have fun in Lima. As long as Blaine knows where they stand and is okay with it, why shouldn't they enjoy themselves? "I should go in," he mumbles, needing to think about this some place where Sue Sylvester isn't looking at him like a proud (if slightly insane) mentor. She sends him off with more words of encouragement and empowerment about teasing and pleasing, but at this point, they slide right off Kurt. He already has enough to think about.

* * *

Not even the drama around Mr Schuester and Miss Pillsbury takes Kurt's mind off Blaine. Now that the first shock has worn off, he realises he still wants to finish what they started in the car. He doesn't want to use it to hurt his ex-boyfriend (unlike what coach Sylvester assumes, he is not _that_ brainwashed by her 'lessons') but he can't deny feeling turned on by the thought of enjoying the perks of sex without heart ache. He just needs to make sure Blaine understands what's going on and keep his conscience clear.

* * *

Every song they sing together, every dance, every touch heightens Kurt's longing. The atmosphere at the party is infective. It seems everyone's hooking up just like an actual wedding has taken place. When Blaine is on stage singing a song with Sam, sending him flirty looks, Kurt decides to go through with it. He goes down to the hotel reception and gets a room. Even though he has been justifying it to himself all evening, it still feels a little illicit, and he freezes as he hears laughter behind him, bracing himself to be mocked. But it isn't aimed at him- Quinn and Santana have only eyes for each other as they stand by the elevator. Quinn is holding a key card and giving Santana a smouldering look. He flushes as he realises what's going on there, and he quickly takes his own key card and hurries back to the party. It doesn't take much persuasion to get Blaine to come up with him.

Kurt feels good as he walks towards their room. Better, in fact, than he has in a long time. He feels like he has control over his life again. He enjoys the way Blaine looks at him and even feels a twinge of entitlement as he thinks of Sue Sylvester's words. She's right- Blaine settled for second best when he hooked up with someone else. Tonight, Kurt will show him just how big a mistake that was.

* * *

Although it has been a few months, Kurt still remembers what drives Blaine wild; the special places where a kiss or a touch coaxes a shiver from his lover's body; the way he needs more pressure here and feather-light caresses there; though it is a tired cliché, it does feel like playing a finely tuned instrument. In turn, Blaine is very eager to please him, too. As they pause to get a condom and lube - a practical single serving packet retrieved from Kurt's wallet - Kurt is secretly pleased that Blaine isn't carrying protection. He knows how careful his ex-boyfriend is with that, knows he would never do it without- so the fact that he isn't prepared means just that: he was unprepared to sleep with anyone. Kurt is the exception, as he should be.

Blaine straddles him and does most of the work; all Kurt needs to do is guide him through the rhythm and enjoy the sight. Blaine even remembers to help himself to a handful of tissues, knowing Kurt hates getting anything on his skin that isn't dermatologically tested and ph-neutral. As they lie back on the mattress catching their breath, there is an awkward silence where compliments and pledges of love used to be. They can't do that now. Friends don't make vows like that. To get himself out of the situation, Kurt quickly starts dressing again. He watches himself in the mirror and tries to re-evaluate his sense of self. Does he feel different? Worse? Empty? Ashamed? _Not really_, his reflection tells him. He is still Kurt, former Cheerio and Vogue intern, NYADA student and metropolitan, and the world is still at his feet. If he can do this, he can do anything. It feels liberating.

Behind him, Blaine dresses in silence until he is no longer able to keep quiet.

"Tell me now that we're not back together." He sounds happy and relieved.

Kurt's heart sinks. He thought it had been clear for the both of them. Why does Blaine suddenly read more into it? He tries to brush it off, but Blaine insists this had been more than just fun. Kurt doesn't want to be pressured back into the pain of what they have lost, and steels his heart. He glances at Blaine and summons the presence of Santana, of Quinn, - hell, maybe even the cocky self-assurance of Sebastian Smythe - and steps up to Blaine.

'I'll see you downstairs," he whispers, confirming or denying nothing.

* * *

Kurt has one more day in Lima before his flight leaves, and he spends it helping his dad in the shop. It feels like old times, and even Burt notices with joy how his son's gloominess has melted off him. Kurt feels happy, and as Blaine texts him to ask him out to the cinema, he decides to give it one more shot.

_Blaine, you know we're just friends_, he writes back. _But I do really want to see that double feature._

_I know. It's not a date_, Blaine texts. _I won't be weird, I promise._

_Okay. I'll pick you up at school._

True to his word, Blaine doesn't bring up their night at the hotel again. They go into the theatre as friends and watch the movies like they did before they became a couple. But after more than three hours in the dark, their thighs pressed together in adjoining seats and their hands occasionally brushing each other as they reach for the popcorn at the same time, Kurt is so charged that the question is out before he can stop himself.

"Can we go to your place?"

Blaine's eyes widen and the corners of his mouth curl up a little. "Okay," he says softly. His parents are hardly ever there and it's clear to the both of them what Kurt is suggesting.

"Just as friends," Kurt stresses again, and Blaine nods eagerly. It almost feels a little too easy, but as Kurt presses Blaine down on the mattress, the thrill of the evening before returns, and he tells himself Blaine wants this as much as he does. Kurt watches him come apart at the seams, and the confirmation of his power over his ex does something to him. _Did _he_ make you feel like this?_ He asks in his mind. _Did _he_ know you this well?_ He feels the need to erase all traces of that other presence, the faceless other man who has known Blaine like this, and without conscious thought, he picks up speed and hooks his arms under Blaine's knees, doubling him up and pressing their bodies together hard, wanting to melt into him, to leave no space between them at all.

Blaine breathes in sharply, the air hissing between his teeth, and shifts underneath him. Kurt frowns and stops moving, blinking rapidly to focus his eyes in the half-dark of the room.

"Are you okay?" he whispers, not liking how tightly Blaine's eyes are closed. His ex-boyfriend visibly tries to relax and nods quickly.

"I'm fine," he reassures Kurt. "Please don't stop."

But his answer comes too fast, and his words don't match up with the tension in his body and the trembling in his thighs. Kurt immediately releases his knees and pulls away carefully. As Blaine struggles to contain a pained sigh and fails, the sound deep and sad in his throat, Kurt knows he made the right call.

"Blaine, look at me. You need to tell me if I am being too rough." He tries to keep his voice from sounding reproachful and waits for the other boy to open his eyes.

"It's okay," Blaine says, shaking his head, and he reaches out to brush his hand over Kurt's arm. Kurt frowns again and pulls away from his touch.

"No, it's not. I'm sorry." Blaine should not be the one comforting _him_.

Blaine's expression falls. "Don't be. I just missed this so much I didn't want to stop you. I missed _you_, Kurt. I want to be with you again. And if this friends-with-benefits thing is the only way you want to be with me, I'll take it. And I don't care-"

"-if it hurts?" Kurt finishes for him. It hits him like a sledgehammer. He knows this is no longer just about their lovemaking. He swallows hard, but the bitterness inside his mouth won't go away. He really messed this up. "Blaine, that's the last thing I want. You're my best friend. This was supposed to be fun for the both of us. I missed you too. I missed...this. I thought we could get it back somehow without having to deal with the rest, but I think coach Sylvester was wrong. There is no such thing as no strings attached. When you love someone, it has to be all or nothing."

"Coach-?" Blaine starts, and then shakes his head wearily, visibly forcing the questions about that away for later. He focuses on Kurt, and the heartbreak Kurt has come to know so well is back in his eyes. "So it's over?" he whispers almost inaudibly.

Kurt hesitates, even though the choice is quite clear. "I think..._nothing_ is not an option for me," he finally admits. He knows what he is giving up in New York and it hurts a little, but it's nothing compared to the pain of having to be without his best friend.

Blaine is quiet for a moment, clearly waiting for the punchline. When the pause becomes too long to overlook, he carefully starts to smile. "Kurt, I promise I'll never-" Kurt stops him by playing a finger on his lips.

"Don't. No promises. You're going to mess up. And _I'm_ going to mess up. And there are going to be epic fights and days where we hate each other and will want to call it quits. But that will be part of the 'all or nothing' package." He waits for Blaine to nod before taking his finger away.

"Epic fights, huh?" Blaine says, his eyes twinkling. "With china-throwing and neighbours calling the cops and everything?"

"And everything," Kurt agrees. He smiles back at Blaine. "Including heart wrenching Broadway-worthy duets and make-up sex."

"Sounds good." Blaine suggestively flits his eyes down Kurt's naked form.

"I thought so," Kurt replies playfully haughty. It finally feels like he has everything again.

**The End.**

* * *

******Author's note:** This story was going to have a _very_ different ending, but sometimes things work out differently than I plan them. I may need to get an alternative ending out of my system at some point, because I still believe Adam should get a chance to try and make Kurt happy. Also, I'm not sure Blain should be redeemed this easily. Thoughts?


End file.
